After I Have This Baby...

I'm getting to that part of the pregnancy. I am calling it the "After I have this baby" phase. As in there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I am looking forward to NOT being pregnant anymore.

I want a Grey Goose and tonic, with a twist of lime. I want to walk around the block in the sunshine. Hell, I may just sip the Grey Goose while walking around the block. I can't explain it. My birthday is New Years. Has been all of my life, and yet I am still not a big partier or drinker. Once every few years, I have a drink. I think it is simply because it is one of things forbidden in pregnancy that makes me want to do it. Just like consuming alcohol was such a biggie before I turned 21, but by the time I was 22, it wasn't so much anymore. God, that was a long time ago.

I want to take E to the park and watch him play and giggle and have fun.

I want to get in a pool. Not to chill and hang out. I want to swim. As in the 70 laps I used to do every day at 5 AM before I got pregnant. That was the only real time I had to myself, free from the stress of managing someone's life support, the academic rigors of a triple major, and more. The chlorinated water washed it all away every morning. I miss that.

I want a new bag. Yes, I have an addiction to expensive handbags. I won't buy knock-offs, even if others can't tell they are fake. I know they would be fake, and cannot handle it. But I haven't bought myself one in a while. The financial strain from this pregnancy eliminated the ability, first of all. Secondly, I cannot, in good conscience, spend $500 on a purse when I have 2 kids to buy for. If I did, I would think of nothing more than the cute Ralph Lauren layette I could've bought instead. But once the baby is here, I can start to think of myself just a little bit, once again. Not a lot, as I am a mother, but just a tiny smidge.

I want to sit in class again. I don't care how much I stand out with spit-up stains on me or leaky boobs. I just want that feeling of learning, of excelling, of challenging myself.

I want to work. I went the adrenaline rush of running to a Code Blue at 3 in the morning. Of knowing that I had a hand in saving a life. And of course the idea of a paycheck that is literally thousands of dollars seems both like a dream come true right now, and also a far-too-distant memory.

And I want to get HOTTTTTT!. Now that I officially know I am finished with the whole child-bearing thing, I can work to get the body I have always wanted.

I will do all of this and more...After I have this baby!