32 Wks, 2 Days: Can I Call It or What?

I hit the 32-week mark Monday, and I was excited. Until they sent me to the hospital again. That was the 4th time in roughly the past week. It seems my brethine pump is doing strange things to my heart, and the insane contractions of Saturday still have not stopped. Again, not dilating. So I follow-up in the office Tuesday as planned, and the doctor I saw pretty much told me that, while he did not want to sound heartless, it doesn't matter how miserable or uncomfortable I am, so long as baby is fine. So now they are saying 37 weeks. I knew it would happen. I've been to this show before and I know how it ends.

Tuesday afternoon, I did my required monitoring, and of course my uterus was doing insane tricks, so the nurse had to call my doctor, and of course my doctor had to tell me to go back to L&D. Trip number 5 in 8 days. I begged and pleaded, and tried to "respectfully decline" to go, at which point I was told I would be labeled a non-compliant patient, which would cause issues with my insurance company. I had no choice but to go. In the process, they had me stop my pump temporarily because my heartrate was 136, a contraindication of brethine. Nothing changed. Everything was the same, except the contractions were bigger and badder, but still not causing me to dilate. They tried giving me a one-time dose of Procardia (nifedipine) which did nothing other than cause my blood pressure to lower and gave me a raging headache that lasted into this morning. I was sent home with the same instructions I got Saturday, Monday, Sunday, and at the office on Tuesday morning.

So what are my instructions? I have been thoroughly educated on the symptoms of uterine rupture, as it seems I am a prime candidate right now with all of these contractions. I also found out by complete accident that, while my external incision from E's delivery was transverse, my actual uterine incision is classical. If you aren't well-versed in c-section lingo, this is bad. A classical incision is straight up and down and an even higher risk for rupture. I didn't know this until someone mentioned it in conversation. Apparently they got it from the OR report from E's delivery.

In a nutshell? I am still at home, having over 40 contractions per hour, on narcotic painkillers that are no longer working, and waiting for a crisis. A crisis that could kill me and the baby. My home nurse told me today to not even monitor, as the doctors don't seem to be doing anything about it and it is completely futile at this point. The only result will be that I will have to rush to the hospital again. They keep having me temporarily suspend my brethine infusion for heartrate, then start it back up when my pulse is again under 120. My nurse from the call center, my home health nurse who administers my progesterone injections, and even my case manager from Humana are all infuriated that this is being permitted to continue, that not only is it permitted, but they are actually prolonging the pregnancy. But they are not my doctors and can essentially do nothing. They will not even do the amnio at this point. When asked why, he said "Why risk infection?"

Why. Risk. Infection????

Because I do not want to die. Because I do not want lose my unborn son. Because I don't want to ruin my heart with the medications. Because I am tired of disrupting E's life. Because I cannot stand the pain anymore. Because after steroids and the best prenatal care money can buy, odds are that Zachary is okay now. I am not anymore, on the other hand.

A simple course of antibiotics can cure an infection. There is no simple cure for anything mentioned above.