Sunday, April 18, 2010

31 Wks, 6 Days: Crunching Some Numbers

2: The number of times they made me monitor yesterday.

34: The number of contractions I had in the first hour of monitoring.

3: The number of brethine boluses I got between attempts at monitoring.

54: The number of contractions on the second strip. Yeah, that's right. Not a typo. The OB nurse at the call center said she has never seen anything like it in her 25 year as an OB nurse. And yes, I felt them all.

4: The number of nurses at the hospital that it took to get my IV.

13: The number of sticks it took the 4 nurses to get my IV.

2: The number of IV bags they gave me. Also the number of Percocet it took for them to get me to be able to sleep.

5: The number of hours I slept once I got home.

36: The number of hours this has been going on. They will not stop. And so long as I am not dilating, they do not care. I wonder if my uterus could spontaneously combust. If it could, at this point, I am sure it would. Today, I actually had 0 contractions. Great right? Nope. Because now they are so frequent, that they don't even last long enough to be considered contractions. Just very frequent waves on a monitor strip, which resembles an EKG more than it does uterine activity, according to my husband. Just wave after painful wave. As soon as one stops, another starts, to the point that I cannot even feel distinct contractions anymore, but rather this wrenching feeling like my guts are being ripped from my body.

They offered me morphine at the hospital yesterday. I should have taken it instead of the weaker Percocet. But there is honestly something wrong when the pain is so bad that they offer me morphine. Me, a pregnant woman. The offer makes me realize that they realize how miserable I am. If they know am that miserable, isn't it time to act?

But nobody cares. My home health company doesn't even care anymore. I ran the strip today like a good girl, and since I was seen yesterday and the doctor on call didn't care, they don't either.

I have no faith in the 34 week mark anymore. I have a feeling they will change it once I get there. As in, "Well, you made it this far. Let's see if you can make it to 36 or 37."

And I will lose my mind.

I am a prisoner in my own body, and I cannot endure another day of this.


  1. I am so sorry to hear this. I can't believe the contractions are so freaking painful and with no respite in between.

    I have been checking your blog for the past few days and was a little worried because you usually post often. I had a feeling all was not well. It sounds like the nurses are being more compassionate than the doctors. And that must be so frustrating, especially when you pay them to act on your behalf. Are you still scheduled for the 34-week amnio? Also, I would think that if they're giving you a narcotic and offering an even stronger one, then hopefully they wouldn't want you on that the whole time and would say it's safer to get the baby out sooner rather than later.

    Ugh! I know how frustrating it is to not feel in control of the situation, especially when it's your own body. I am not a very religious person, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you can be at peace and have your baby in your arms sooner rather than later.

  2. I'm okay, Bianca. Happy Birthday, BTW!

    This is what scares me: NOTHING is scheduled. Nothing is concrete other than a repeat c-section scheduled for June 3. I am completely at their mercy.

    I have an appointment tomorrow, but it is with one of the more conservative docs in the group. I'm hoping to get answers, so we'll see!

    Thanks for your kind words! They mean the world right now.