Yesterday, I felt horrible. I had a stressful day worrying about bills, my job, my insurance. I cried a lot and got one of those raging headaches I get after hours of crying. I felt dizzy and nauseous, and after having J check my blood pressure, laid down to rest. I slept off the nausea and dizziness, but then the contractions started.
I put myself on my monitor at about 11 PM. I was feeling crampy on top of it. I wanted to see what I was doing. I know what the process is like, so I should've known better.
I had 14 contraction from 11 PM to 12 AM. The nurse calls and tells me to give myself a bolus and re-monitor for an hour, starting at about 12:30 to allow the bolus to work. I do, and monitor from 12:30 to 1:30. This time I had 10 contractions. Better, but not good enough. Another bolus, wait 15 minutes and re-monitor from 12:45 AM to 1:45 AM. 7 contractions. Another bolus, then re-monitor from 2 AM to 3 AM. Wait for the nurse to call, which happens at about 3:20. 4 contractions. I am finally allowed to sleep.
Of course by this point, J has been awake a long time, since he had clinicals yesterday and had to leave earlier in the morning than usual. He and are both exhausted. I cannot sleep from the contractions and the monitoring, along with the jitteriness that goes along with 3 brethine boluses. I am laying on the sofa, and he is in the recliner. And he keeps snoring so loudly. This gets to me more than anything.
I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy on anyone in the family. Of course it hasn't. But I feel that for someone who shared an equal part in the creation of this baby, he has had to make minimal sacrifices. He's only missed 2 days of school, while I had to drop out completely. I had to surrender my career temporarily, which meant the world to me. I am the one who has to endure the pain. I worry about the bills and other financial aspects. Other than driving me to appointments and to and from the hospital, when needed, his life has remained largely intact. The fact that he could not just suck it up and be there for me was too much to handle, and I went off on him. It may have been unfair--he did get substantially less sleep than me yesterday--but now I am awake, contracting again, and he is snoring away the bad night we had last night. I can only wish for sleep. Then he is going to wake up and study all weekend for exams, while I just watch. This makes me jealous, as I want more than anything to go back to my life.
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