34 Wks, 4 Days: A Little More Freedom

One More Week. (Is this getting annoying or what?)

Yesterday I did my monitoring as required. It really is futile, as they do nothing about the contractions anymore. The nurse called back and told me that the strip looked like any other of mine, and actually told me to stop monitoring. I don't know how many contractions I had, but it must have been bad. How can I not know? Well, I don't count anymore, and it has gotten to the point where my uterus is in a state of relaxation less than it is a state of contracting. One after the other after the other. The scariest ones for me are the ones that seem to build on top of each other: I'll be having a contraction, and before anything has had a chance to relax, another one starts and builds on top of the last one. Here lately, Zachary hs started flailing his little appendages in there with the contractions, which hurts like hell. I think he is getting tired of being squeezed. Sometimes, just having the monitor on my belly is enough to set him off, as if to say, "Hey! Something is pressing on me!"

So anyhow, I am now free from the monitor. Unless something feels different, then I can do it as needed. So the 17P shots are done and the monitoring is done. Now I just have to lose the brethine pump. I think that is happening Thursday when I go in to get my amnio results and pre-op instructions. Since a c-section bypasses nature and the uterus doesn't contract down to size on its own like in a vaginal delivery, they give you pitocin afterwards. I cannot imagine they would want me on a tocolytic before they do the deed. Which means Thursday night, if they do stop the pump, is going to be awful for me. I doubt the contractions can get any more frequent, but they can get stronger without the brethine infusion my body has been getting all along. Ugh!

Which leads me to the dreading of the pitocin. That was by far the worst part of E's delivery. I cannot even remember how long it was that they kept me on it, but that was very painful. Imagine contracting against a fresh wound, when your muscle is completely worn out from all of the contracting done beforehand. I didn't rely on pain meds a lot after having E, but I do remember that I spent those hours in a narcotic-induced fog.

But regardless, today starts my official last week of pregnancy. It's very surreal knowing when it will all end. It has its advantages and disadvantages. I can be completely ready, with bags packed, nursery ready, and more. But I also have time beforehand to think about what is going to happen, to dread the bad parts. And while having a plan made me feel better at first, now it is having the opposite effect. When the pain gets to be too much, I can't help but think that it is just a week away, and wish for them to just do it already. And it is frustrating not knowing a time, but they won't give me one yet. They are worried that the amnio on Wednesday will do me in. I have a high level of fluid, a big baby, and a worn-out uterus that is distended beyond where it should be. Inserting a needle in there at this point could have the same effect as putting one in a balloon overly-filled with water. If that is the case, I will be having him Wednesday. Or Thursday. Thus, no official time planned. Just a date.