31 Weeks, 1 Day: I Take It All Back

I have been a whiny baby lately, complaining about this pregnancy and how I am "done".

I lied. I'm not done. I wish it were easier, but I want him to be healthy. And be in there as close to full-term as possible.

I'm nervous. Today, I have to go back to the doctor to "check everything out". They're worried about my BP and pregnancy-induced hypertension. Not pre-eclampsia yet, as none of my lab values mesh with that. Urine, blood..everything was normal but my blood pressure. My BP has always been perfect. As a matter of fact, when pregnant with E, I was on Procardia for preterm labor and they had to stop it because it would cause my normal BP to drop, then when I would do anything that would cause it to lower more, I would randomly pass out. I had to take cold showers bcause the heat would cause me to vasodilate and John would hear a big thunk! where I would hit the floor. So when oral brethine didn't work this time, that is how I ended up on the pump. They didn't want to add nifidepine to the mix.

So yesterday, when they sent me to the hospital for PIH, I was the talk of L&D. From my stretcher in triage, I could hear the doctors and nurses at the nurses' station talking about it. "She's here for PIH and on a brethine pump!" They kept implying that it would have to be stopped, and the doctor that sent me to the hospital in the first place even said so much--that if BP became a problem, they would have to stop it.

Hmmm. Stopping the brethine pump.....

I've been fantasizing about this for weeks. What it would be like to sleep without worrying about rolling over on the tubing and occluding it. Of worrying about the syringe emptying in the middle of the night, causing me to miss a scheduled bolus and wake up contracting. To be able to take a hot bath because there is no catheter on my thigh that cannot be submerged in water. To be able to go to a doctor's appointment or anywhere else and not have to worry if I have enough batteries or meds to survive the trip without going into labor. About not having something constantly attached to my body.

And if they stop the pump,they are going to stop everything. My progesterone shots. Most likely my home monitor that works in conjunction with the pump. I'm getting scared.

The truth is that, while I have been getting really sick of this stuff, I also realize that there have been countless times where I have avoided hospitalization because of it. And as much as I hate it, I hate being in the hospital even more. And I know that, while they have spent months trying to find the delicate balance of injection frequencies and infusion rates to keep me from having breakthrough episodes of contractions, those breakthroughs would occur more frequently without the stuff. Or my contractions just won't stop, period. And my beloved son will be born too early. Or if he isn't, I will lay in misery in a hospital bed, contracting away, in pain, with my needs not being taken into consideration as I incubate him longer. Neither one is an option I can live with right now.

I'm really scared for myself. And terrified for Zachary.

31 Weeks: Back to the Hospital and Baby Ginormo

After having pain in my old c-section scar had me doubled over, I had to call my doctor to see if I needed to be seen today or not. Of course I was told to come into the office, so I went. My BP was 175/ 82, so I was immediately sent to L&D, where I went through the usual routine. But this time they did a full ultrasound to ensure that everything was okay. It was. My BP normalized, and the pain was deemed to be the result of scar tissue and adhesions in there.

But...
Zachary is measuring, at his current gestational age of 31 weeks, at 5 pounds, 4 ounces. His gestational age calculated by the ultrasound: 35 weeks, 1 day. Still huge.

We got some awesome pictures of him, though, and even got to see him yawn. J had gone to pick E up from school, so he got to be there to see his baby brother on the screen for the first time, instead of just looking at grainy pictures. He saw it all, the yawning, squirming precious baby boy, complete with the little heart beating away. A wonderful experience for him.

A perfect little leg, from thigh to toes.

And speaking of toes...

The sweet little profile

Angel face. We can see he looks like his brother.

This one required some explanation. The ultrasound tech gasped, "Look at all of that HAIR!" Apparently the white halo-like shadow around the top of his head is his hair, lilting in amniotic fluid, and he already has a head full!